1. |
New Dog Model
01:37
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I am a critic that's searching for pride
behind insecurity and lies in your eyes.
I will arrest all those who play defeat;
I'll rob them of stature and call out their breed.
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2. |
Toy Soldiers
04:51
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Screaming silently all alone in your bed at night.
Laughing until your heart beats faster still.
Your gaze is like a thousand daggers in my face and up my spine.
Your heart, the ice that drives me insane every fucking day.
I felt the snowy cold, the pain inside that desperate heart of yours,
sinking deep within a cloud of broken myths.
I saw you cry and cry with pain and tears falling from your eyes.
I healed and mended the wounds they gave to you oh so long ago.
Wheel me into perfection
because I can't do this without you.
Show me your honesty
because every single thing you do
right from the start is right from the start.
Don't tell me with your lips of love on your fingertips.
Envy my paranoia I feel towards you and your mistakes.
Try to leave me thrice a week for one year straight.
I'll put up my defense, an army of excuses made of green
plastic, like toy soldiers led by my dizzy heart.
Wheel me into perfection
because I can't do this without you.
Show me your honesty
because every single thing you do
right from the start is right from the start.
Don't tell me with your lips of love on your fingertips.
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3. |
||||
I feel so depressed, something's wrong with my head I don't have the will to get out of bed.
This disease is contagious, it claims one it claims all. It causes my will to live to fall.
Just go. Just go.
I never even wanted you anyway.
Just go. Just go.
You can't just say things will be okay.
Just go. Just go.
I never even wanted you anyway.
Just go. Just go.
You can't just say things will be okay.
Through hurt, the grief, and all of the pain, I won't die today I won't die in vain.
My head tells me yes but my heart tells me no, my head tells me yes but my heart tells me go.
Just go. Just go.
I never even wanted you anyway.
Just go. Just go.
You can't just say things will be okay.
Just go. Just go.
I never even wanted you anyway.
Just go. Just go.
You can't just say things will be okay.
I've fallen again.
Deceit is your game.
The red rose on your tongue
is a
liar's sign to get me to do all the
dirty work that comes from your mouth.
Self-destruction is our forte
and you have all the wrong things to say.
Take a step back and look at this;
it's not what I wanted, so how could you?
Every twisted play in your twisted game has ruined me.
Just go. Just go.
you never even wanted me anyway.
Just go. Just go.
I can't just say things will be okay.
Just go. Just go.
you never even wanted me anyway.
Just go. Just go.
I can't just say things will be okay.
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4. |
Friday the Fourteenth
07:13
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I've been losing lately. My thoughts are scrambled and hard to hold on to.
I feel like I'm not really feeling
all the things that I say that I am.
And a label won't change things, I know that, but I don't think I'm ready for one.
The confirmation of this would ruin
the only real thing that I have.
So I'm tying my ankles to cinder blocks
and throwing myself into the deep end.
I’m going to tell you how you can fix yourself
when I can't even tell what's wrong with me.
I've seen how the pills work in action
and not knowing means that I'll never need them.
If this disease is contagious, I have it; uncertainty says that I do.
Pay attention and listen for the silence coming from
the pool of broken thoughts I'm in, drowning way too deep.
I've spent the last few weekends wishing for rationale and proof,
and asking myself if I'm really not the same
as I used to be.
There's no evidence to help my stability.
Think about the last thing that I said,
oh god.
Was it nothing that, or everything, I meant to say?
Help me because I've fallen too.
I'm sitting idle in patience.
I'm struggling lately to find
words that can be spoken without ruining everything.
Think of the worst possible outcome and force it by mistake.
I'll cover up the pretense and shroud the opinions with
apologies.
The lights are off and now there's no validity.
Screaming for the people that I've pushed away
by shutting down, ignoring every sentiment.
There's no logic in the thought process.
Critique the thoughts inside my head for lack of making progress.
So unafraid to tell myself it's much worse than it is.
No way the person staring back is my mirror's reflection;
the lifeless eyes, the bags under, oh, I cannot believe.
Reacting to all the spaces
where reasoning should be,
evidently suggesting I've lost my train of thought.
Smothered in the sounds of heavy breathing and sweaty, pulsing palms.
Reach for the light switch again to illuminate the faults
in my head.
Suppress the guilt and hope to ease the looming dread.
Remember what it's like to feel uncomfortable.
Recount the breaths I've taken in the last minute
and take the time to breathe again.
Critique the thoughts inside my head for lack of making progress.
So unafraid to tell myself it's much worse than it is.
No way the person staring back is my mirror's reflection;
the lifeless eyes, the bags under. Oh, I cannot believe
who I've let myself become: a sick self-diagnosis
from symptoms of a silent mouth and the emptiest stare I've got.
Waste my time holding onto assumptions that I've made,
binding me to misery and formulaic lies.
So, I'll sit in self-scrutiny at the top of the stairs
and pretend that something's wrong because it's been perfect for years.
Why do I always ruin the things I find hurt the least?
I can feel it in my body when my head disagrees.
Reassess the implications I've locked up in my head
and let the assumptions fester as I reach out instead
to aggravate the problems. Don't dare tell me I'm wrong.
The words, they just don't stick. The advice just doesn't belong.
Self-medicate with trial upon trial of error,
self-deprecate, self-analyze, self-resistant to care.
Replay the scenario once or twice, just in case,
and pick out all the things that make being near me unsafe.
The silence is so deafening with solutions in mind
to everything substantial while the words stay behind,
and doubt will take over everything I just said
to leave me so depressed because something's wrong with my head.
The street light is burning in my head;
the corner where I ran to hide
from the ghost of everything that said I couldn’t, and all the people that didn't try.
From the start, I underestimated the value of everything that I put in.
Validate me please, just for a second, because sometimes the outcome is worth the sin.
I never wanted to be so calloused, so unaware of how people feel,
but the truth is I'm making progress and soon there will be nothing left to heal.
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5. |
Quicksand Couches
04:01
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You are a chambered mannequin;
No heart softly beating inside.
Replicating human action and mechanical motions alike.
But your tongue is bleeding from overuse, spitting out lies like broken glass.
A quick thought that failed that caused toxic regrets, and heartlessly trying to lose all your friends.
Insomnia brings back memories of tortured emotions you caused.
Resuscitate your mind with insanity as mine lies across the room half deceased.
So, how many times do you have to speak without saying words you actually mean?
The image received was the link far away, but the connection between was smashed, though, you say.
You are an obvious
mess, I know that,
spreading the word of greatness you made
from nothing but ruins and followers of loss,
to be swept away by a tide that's rushing in.
You're hunting for a hollowed sorrow;
A life where you see half asleep.
To suffer, the art must be painful, you've heard so you act out defeat.
So, cry if you must when I have to leave, leaving out bits in the aftermath.
Show us your new life, a small shattered piece, remove it to see the hole underneath.
You are an obvious
mess, I know that,
spreading the word of greatness you made
from nothing but ruins and followers of loss,
to be swept away by a tide that's rushing in.
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6. |
ICU
03:37
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I cut myself trying to scrape your scent from my skin.
Now I try to never think about
how you let me in,
lackluster on bone.
All I ever do is think about—
I'm watching, waiting for your sense of urgency to arrive,
and I've never been so scared for your life in mine.
I've been holding onto every word and pill you gave to me
to fuel a fire to burn your effigy.
—how you are everything I've never thought of.
But, don't you feel the skepticism too?
Because troubled minds,
don't they think alike?
Aren't the greatest worse, after all?
I'm watching waiting for your sense of urgency to arrive,
and I've never been so scared for your life in mine.
I've been holding onto every word and pill you gave to me
to fuel a fire to burn your effigy.
Didn't I say that I would be there in the end for this,
like pen on paper, the inevitable itch?
You're just a crashing car in the ocean, too,
just a sinking ship in my veins, blue.
But don't worry.
Cold to the touch am I, my sweet,
Grown away to a far-from-you place.
A let down; a set down; please take a seat,
because you never stood for anything.
I'm watching, waiting for your sense of urgency to arrive,
and I've never been so scared for your life in mine.
I've been holding onto every word and pill you gave to me
to fuel a fire to burn your effigy.
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Think Easy South Elgin, Illinois
Three sweaty guys from South Elgin, IL who work up a good sweat in small, warm spaces surrounded by more sweaty bodies.
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@thinkeasyil
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